Following yesterday’s decision by the government, to ban smoking in all indoor public places, it is expected that almost every smoker in the country will begin whinging as much as 30 times a day once the smoking ban takes affect in 2007.

“I’d given up whinging” says Stuart Chainwhiner (39), “but this ban puts me back to square one. What makes matters worse of course, is that from next summer I’ll have to whinge outdoors, rain or shine.”