Beware of Taxmen bearing gifts

By | 2017-01-06T11:16:31+00:00 August 10th, 2015|Life in France|

If my time as a freelancer in France has taught me anything - it's not to trust the French state when it comes to handling anything to do with, er, anything. This rule should be applied even when things appear to be going your way. Today, I'm faced with one of those situations which at first hand appears to be quite a stroke of luck: a 509 EURO tax rebate has magically appeared in my bank account! Now, if I had not been resident in France for as long as I have I'd already put on my dancing trousers and be planning on how to spend this sudden cash windfall, however, there are a few things to consider before ordering that new TV: I haven't paid any income tax for years (being below the threshold for a family of five) The taxman has rebated the money into an account that I haven't used since I was last self-employed under the EI (travailleur independent) statute. i.e. he shouldn't even know that the account exists! This has happened before and back [...]

You call that a coffee?

By | 2015-08-03T16:14:56+00:00 August 3rd, 2015|Life in England, Life in France|

I guess you might call it a case of mild reverse culture shock. Although I've returned to the UK regularly since emigrating, nearly ten years ago, each time I come back there is usually something about British Culture that feels somewhat alien to me. For example, this time around it's coffee. I'm amazed at how much coffee is consumed in Britain; there are now as many coffee shops as there were once pubs, where it's not unusual to see people drinking caffine-based beverages in quantities you'd once-upon-a-time have associated with beer. The average coffee cup seems big enough to hold a whole pint (500ml), and a "small" coffee equates to something half-pint sized. In France the biggest, or rather "longest", of coffees might come close to a small British one, but that's where the similarity ends. In France coffee is usually consumed in receptacles not much bigger than a shot glass. Quantity, in addition to quality I might add, is what seems to matter to the UK consumer. Having come accustomed to enjoying just two "petits noirs" per day [...]

Missing the music

By | 2015-07-26T11:18:29+00:00 July 26th, 2015|Life in England, raising bilingual children|

We're on hols in the UK at the moment, our country of origin. As ever we've been soaking up the British weather (literally) and the culture (metaphorically). The kids were surprised and somewhat disappointed to learn, this time around, that NRJ Hit Music Radio is not actually available in England. Moreover that none of the UK stations we've managed to find play anything French. Although by 'French' our eldest's understanding is it means it can be heard in France - so we had to break it to him that Rihana was not in fact French! No, nor Katy Perry. Maroon 5? Nope not them neither. Indeed, if there's anything that helps you enjoy your time off it's a few of your favourite 'tubes' playing over the airwaves. However, the odds that we'll hear Louane, Kendji or Les Frèro Delavega, all authors of the current most toe-tapping-poppy numbers over in France, are slim to none. Indeed, I've felt the need to tune into Youtube (can I say that?) to download Maitre Gims's latest tour de force. All this, I suppose, [...]

O yea of little nous

By | 2017-01-06T11:16:31+00:00 June 25th, 2015|Life in France, Strasbourg|

There is a small red Smart car that has been parked down at the end of our road for the past two weeks. Emblazoned across it's side is the old English word for 'moreover' : Yea! (pronounced yay). Normally anyone who forgets to move their car from this particular spot, in less then three hours, would find themselves with a parking ticket; but this one seems to be immune...

Freelance in France 2015

By | 2017-01-06T11:16:31+00:00 March 6th, 2015|Life in France|

Freelance in France 2015 When I moved to France in 2006 there was almost no advice or support for people who wanted to work as freelancers in La République. There seemed to be books aplenty for people wanting to convert a barn into a gite, run a ski chalet or retire to the Dordogne; but nothing, rien, for those of us who simply wanted to earn a living in our new home away from home. Upon arrival in France I was not short of information, though it was often of little use because almost no-one I met had actually had any first-hand experience of being self-employed themselves. Which meant most of the advice I received was either ill-informed or just plain wrong. Trial and error seemed to be the only way forward and I made my fair share of errors, which ultimately resulted in the demise of my first freelance business in France. Thankfully things have changed for the better since then. All the information you need is now freely available online and it’s possible to complete [...]

A bunch of Charlies

By | 2017-01-06T11:16:31+00:00 January 13th, 2015|Life in France|

150114chSo satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo lives-on. It's mission to raise a chuckle from the absurdities of life and poke fun at hypocrites will continue unabated - and for this I am glad. No-one should be considered above criticism. Religions, politicians, businessmen, celebrities all deserve to have their words and influence deconstructed. And this is where the whole "Je suis Charlie" campaign falls down...

Pope Frank

By | 2014-11-26T08:46:09+00:00 November 26th, 2014|Life in France, Strasbourg|

A bloke in a chasuble Frank was in town yesterday to nag the bureaucrats about their lack of enthusiasm for encouraging peace and cooperation between the peoples of Europe. He came, he spoke, he left. The only difference between him and the elected officials in the audience, as far as I can tell, is that he wasn't required to sign-in to claim his parliamentary attendance allowance. They came, they signed in, they sat, they politely applauded. It is unlikely however that a single MEP actually thought anything Frank said was going to make an iota of difference.  Still, it was nice seeing his chasuble pass through town. His what? His chasuble - you know the thing football players wear on the training pitch? Now I'm confused - the Pope plays footie? Er, I doubt it. No - the word chasuble (which exists in French and English and means exactly the same thing: the outermost liturgical vestment) is used in sport to refer to the bib players wear when training.  Why the French use the same word as [...]

Farts de ski and New Beaujolais

By | 2014-11-21T10:25:48+00:00 November 21st, 2014|Life in France|

A juvenile observation for you today: the wax you put on your skis is known as "fart" ... ;-)  Sorry. I was genuinely pleased to see New Beaujolais on the shelves of my local corner store yesterday.  What's not to love about a young, fruity wine eh? Best of all - it's only 12% proof, so you can drink it without passing out after two glasses (which is the effect most 14-15% wines have on me).

Paying by card from abroad

By | 2017-01-06T11:16:31+00:00 November 20th, 2014|Life in France|

So how exactly am I supposed to pay for anything online if TSB consistently block me from making online payments? You'd think things like click-safe, double-password protected cards would get processed without much ado by your bank - seeing as the secondary "clicksafe" password is there to ensure you are who you say you are when you attempt to pay for something? Alas, it seems that many banks have a safety algorithm programmed into their systems that says something along the lines of: If this payment is taking place from outside the UK - there must be a Nigerian/Bulgarian gangster holding our client at gunpoint and therefore approving this sale would not be a safe thing to do. Reject. Reject. Reject! Why a Bulgarian gangster would want to buy a TFL oyster card or a music CD worth 12.99GBP is neither here nor there, obviously. Gone are the days when I used to get a call from the bank saying "Someone just tried to use your card from France!" - to which I almost always answered "Yes it was [...]

Sturp sturp sturp

By | 2017-01-06T11:16:31+00:00 November 19th, 2014|Life in France|

There are many Anglicisms that have made their way into the French vernacular. I have already mentioned the 'F' word - which the French seem to think is no more offensive than saying 'bottom'.  My latest find in this regard is a digital radio station self-baptised "Fuckin' Good Radio" or Radio FG for short on which they play "Fuckin' Good Music" - apparently.  But if you ask me, the only time the F-word should feature in the same sentence as this music station is in the word "fuckwit" - which no doubt epitomises the individual who came up with the name. On NRJ a few weeks back we heard an advert for a new party service called "Myfuckingbirzday" - who, one presumes, organise club-nights for fuckwits. Anyway, the word I wanted to bring to your attention is actually far less offensive: stop. Yes, the verb "to stop". In French this means precisely what it means in English. I stop, you stop, they stop, we stop, he/she stops.  In it's infinitive form it is written "stopper" (pronounced stoeppay). The French [...]