R.I.P. Golden Wonder crisps. I loved your niknaks.
So is this an appropriate time to point the finger at their pathetic TV commercials featuring Gary Lineker? If you’re not aware of these commercials they ran for 10 years or so, cost a fortune and all went something like this:
OPEN ON CUTE LITTLE BOY EATING A PACKET OF GOLDEN WONDER. GARY LINEKER ENTERS.
GARY: Hey kid, I’m Gary Lineker, the famous England football star. I’m known for being a really nice guy.
BOY: Never heard of you.
GARY: That’s okay because this ad is aimed at your parents, who by and large are retarded couch potatoes, who live for football, junk-food and junk-television.
BOY: So why am I in this ad then?
GARY: So the gimps at Golden Wonder THINK we’re aiming this at kids.
BOY: Are they really that dumb?
GARY: Not entirely, you see there’s a twist to this commercial, I actually turn out to be a total bastard. Which is an award winning idea, so they don’t care if the demographic is off the chart.
BOY: Award winning? But there isn’t even a pay-off line, joke or witticism in this ad!
GARY: Can I have one of your crisps?
BOY: No bugger off.
GARY LINEKER SLAPS THE KID AND STEALS HIS CRISPS. END OF COMMERCIAL.
Genius or garbage? You decide.