When the divine creator, or one of their subordinates, sat down to programme my genetic code it seems they decided to have a bit of fun at my expense in the hair department.

Yesterday I was forced to go fishing for a rogue nasal hair that was causing me no end of irritation. When I had finally tracked it down and extracted it with the aid of a thumbnail which could really do with a trim, my eyes began to water uncontrollably, decanting their contents into my nasal canals causing me to sneeze so hard it made my testicles hurt. Twice.

After blowing my nose, I sat down to recover and ponder the article that had once been an integral part of my being which I still held between thumb and forefinger. It was long, straight and wiry, starting in thick trunk-like fashion at the root and narrowing exponentially at the tip into what can only be described as a spike, altogether resembling a miniature version of a lance, the type Julius Caesar used to conquer most of Europe with. A quick test revealed it’s resilience : no matter which way I bent or curled it, it seemed happy to spring back into it’s lethal lance-like form in the blink of an eye.

Why on earth something so sharp, pointy and resilient should be planted at the back of my nostrils can only be explained away as one of Mother Nature’s quirks. After all what use is a hair that grows so long that it needs to start drilling it’s way through the opposite wall of your nasal cavity in order to appease it’s lust for elongation?

Answers on a postcard please … or in the comments section below.