I hate footballers

Every two years or so I’m prepared, if only for the sake of petty nationalism, to turn on my TV to watch some football (soccer). But it only takes about 20 minutes for me to recall however, why I hate the sport so much, and try to avoid it whenever possible.
Players who fake injury are nothing but unsporting, cheating, cowardly, girly-handbag school-bullies; but incredibly their type is tollerated within the sport. If ever there were a reason to bring in video assisted refereeing it was this. Imagine the scene….

GOONALDO: Referee!
G: I think my leg’s broken, call the medics.
R: Aw diddums.
G: Hey, can’t you see I’m dying here? Look at my face, tell me you don’t see genuine pain and anguish!
R: I don’t see genuine pain and anguish.
G: But look, I’m rolling around on the floor, writhing in pain!
R: You’re certainly writhing, the only pain I can detect is in my neck.
G: Aren’t you going to red card my assailant?
R: You didn’t have an assailant.
G: Yes I did, why do you think I’m behaving like this?
R: Because you’re hoping that I’ll give you a free kick, a penalty, or send someone from the other team off of the field. Or maybe you’re hoping this interruption will be long enough so you can have a rest and a nice cool drink.
G: I can’t believe you’re being so cynical.
R: Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Look here mate, one more Alice-in-wonderland retort and I’ll card you. Get up.
G: Alice in Wonderland – you mean the children’s novel by Lewis Carrol?
R: That’s it – RED CARD – you’re outta here!

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