If you’re intent on showing yourself up as shamelessly middle class in Strasbourg here’s what to do: buy a house in Robertsau (miles from the tram stop), buy a large expensive German car and sit in traffic jams all the way to work and back twice a day, five days a week (remember everyone goes home or eats out for lunch in France). Then, on Saturdays, howl up and down the A4 to the various out of town shopping districts and buy up as much over-priced junk as you can. Sunday – go and play golf somewhere.

If on the other hand you want to do your bit to save the planet; and not have people sneer at you when you pause at traffic lights, here’s a few suggestions as to what you should do:

  • buy/rent a house in a suburb that is actually served by the Tram system (e.g. Schiltigheim, Ostwald, Meinau), or even consider living in the city centre (though pick somewhere well away from student nightspots/binge drinking areas)
  • don’t buy a car
  • work from home
  • travel around by Tram (not by bus – that’s for the proles & students)
  • if you have a family, and need to regularly purchase ‘in bulk’ – buy a triporteur (e.g. a Triobike will hold a trolley load of groceries plus a child*)
  • if you have a baby, buy a bugaboo pushchair in any colour but black or brown
  • when you need a car, rent one or use Strasbourg’s auto’trement car sharing scheme
  • on Sundays do a sport that actually involves physical activity**
  • sneer at people in large expensive German cars whenever they pause at traffic lights

*but don’t buy one with a yellow or a black hood – as these colours are already taken by other Strasbourgeois.
**and respond thus when asked if you play golf: “No, I still have sex.”