An Englishman in Strasbourg

This morning I discovered that we urgently need to replenish our supplies of both museli and toilet paper.

And I can’t help thinking that these two items are inextricably linked in some way!

You find your first grey chest hair.

.. and it’s even worse for men!

In the past two weeks my 14 month old son has learnt:

1. to walk
2. to run
3. to climb
4. to operate the stereo
5. to switch TV channels
6. to smash furniture
7. to throw things into the toilet bowl

All whilst sufferring a severe bout of chicken pox.

Am wondering if it’s too early to sign him up for driving lessons?

Babies will put just about anything in their mouths. Which is why, as a parent, you have to be extra vigilant when it comes to keeping your little one germ-free.

Not only does this mean keeping your house clean, but your body too. Neglect of the latter led to an incident the other morning when, having just blown my nose, my son discovered a curiously yummy looking bit of vegetation stuck to my night-shirt, which he merrily peeled off and stuck in his mouth.

Luckily though, it was still tacky enough to secure itself to his bottom lip, where it lingered just long enough for me to recuse it from certain digestion.

Lesson learnt.

Warts. Nasty things. When they grow and start to go crusty they start to itch (particularly if when located amongst the moister recesses of ones anatomy). Itching inevitably leads to scratching, ergo bleeding soon follows. Highly unpleasant, and if in sight - unsightly.

So what does the medical profession recommend we treat these evils of epidermis with?

Duct tape.

Yes, the sticky backed masking tape you are likely to stick just about anywhere - except on a duct. The true talents of this unassuming household item are not fully appreciated - until one discovers a nasty manky wart festering on ones skin that needs dealing with.

Why am I telling you this? Well I’ll let you draw your own conclusions there.

Our son is officially under-weight.
I’m thinking we should take him straight down to MacDonalds or KFC to remedy the situation. Would that be bad parenting?