An Englishman in Strasbourg

Why is it that every pensioner, unemployed dork and income support beneficiary still insist upon collecting their social security payment, in cash, in person, over the counter, on the same day, at the same time - at the post offce?

Some of us just want to post a sodding letter!

Just realised - those Gary ads were for Walkers Crisps, not Golden Wonder.

It just goes to show how ineffectual advertising really is, if you can remember the ad, but not the product!

R.I.P. Golden Wonder crisps. I loved your niknaks.

So is this an appropriate time to point the finger at their pathetic TV commercials featuring Gary Lineker? If you’re not aware of these commercials they ran for 10 years or so, cost a fortune and all went something like this:

OPEN ON CUTE LITTLE BOY EATING A PACKET OF GOLDEN WONDER. GARY LINEKER ENTERS.

GARY: Hey kid, I’m Gary Lineker, the famous England football star. I’m known for being a really nice guy.
BOY: Never heard of you.
GARY: That’s okay because this ad is aimed at your parents, who by and large are retarded couch potatoes, who live for football, junk-food and junk-television.
BOY: So why am I in this ad then?
GARY: So the gimps at Golden Wonder THINK we’re aiming this at kids.
BOY: Are they really that dumb?
GARY: Not entirely, you see there’s a twist to this commercial, I actually turn out to be a total bastard. Which is an award winning idea, so they don’t care if the demographic is off the chart.
BOY: Award winning? But there isn’t even a pay-off line, joke or witticism in this ad!
GARY: Can I have one of your crisps?
BOY: No bugger off.

GARY LINEKER SLAPS THE KID AND STEALS HIS CRISPS. END OF COMMERCIAL.

Genius or garbage? You decide.

Just thought it might be interesting to write a few lines while reasonably pi**ed. Just been to the University of Westminster’s Alumni advisory eveing, to pass on my invaluable life’s experiences. Followed it up with a few glasses of wine, then beer, on an empty stomach. kjhsdiufhs ! A mistake obviously. If sociable. Not wearing my glasses right now so I hope my spellung is up to scratch.
Hard to be witty when you’re pissed - ironicaly. I can’t think of one single thing remotely amusing to say. Apart from “spoon”.
SPOON! SPON..!
Good ight…..

Why is it that (in the UK) we equate one game with a whole genre? In my mind ’sport’ does not equal ‘football’. Football is a sport, of that there is no doubt, but why is it that when pundits talk about it, they feel they can ramble on without even mentioning the name of the game?

Your average radio sports bulletin now goes something like this:

“Today’s clash between the red-and-greens at Pongo Park Road will be crucial for Juan Pablo’s men from mars. Six and twelve down they need a firecracker of a pre-international season to come anywhere near qualifying for the Eleven-idiots cup. Meanwhile tabloid allegations about David van Googlebot’s altercation with the manager of the toffee chewers means he could be called up before the beak. More news in half an hour.”

That’s not a sports bulletin - that’s a load of old fart-footed footy fodder for fick people.

Our flat (in London) was burgled by couple of chavs yesterday.
I hope they rot in hell for all eternity - or similar.

Either my immune system has been weakened by all the French cheese I’ve been consuming over the past three months - or London is a hot bed of nuclear bacteria.
I favour the latter as the most likely cause of the severe head-cold I have had since returning to the UK for Christmas, but the truth is - it’s probably a bit of both.
I need a remedy quickly - the drugs and alcohol don’t seem to be working.