Today the campaigning began for the French Presidential Elections. So now’s a good time for me to make a prediction on the outcome…

But who will it be? Could it be:

  • Number 1: Scum-washing Nicolas Sarkozy.
    The diminuitive former Interior Minister thinks that France needs an enema; he might be right – but will his hose be big enough for the job?
  • Number 2: Super-mum Segolene Royal.
    The only socialist in the western hemisphere not to be branded a ‘loony’; but she looks good in a bikini – so who cares?
  • Number 3: Mister-scary himself Jean-Marie Le Pen.
    The national front leader with a stomach for cheese, but not for foreigners. He ain’t in it to win it, but your vote will make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
  • Or will it be Number 4: Timothy-Dalton-double Francois Bayrou.
    The dark horse candidate; he can’t carry a bikini like Segolene, but he’s got one of those cute dimpled chins – so who can resist?

My prediction – Sarkozy will come out top in the first round, with Segolene in second place, the elimination of Bayrou and Le Pen will see Sarkozy clean-up the 2nd choice votes and ultimately win the presidency.

In short – the people of France will opt for an enema.