Be afraid

By | October 6th, 2016|Life in England|

The recent developments in the British Government's stance on Brexit have horrified me. Mrs May's positioning of the conservative party as squarely on the far right - a space that once belonged to UKIP and the BNP - is huge cause for concern. This is happening even though the referendum margin was only 4%, even though the conservatives got a parliamentary majority with only 36% of the vote, even though only 12% of people at the general election thought UKIP were worth listening to and even though Theresa May hasn't been elected by anybody - not even her own party. Yet to the media at large it all seems so perfectly acceptable that they are hardly bothering giving the subject any airtime at all. We should be afraid, very afraid, at the nation's march towards territorial nationalist "populism." - for where will it all end? I predict that the first victim of a Hard Brexit will be the NHS - with hospitals, clinics and health trusts rapidly sold to American firms for a pittance having lost 30% of their [...]

Two-and-a-half freedoms

By | June 29th, 2016|Life in France, pointless whinging|

I was on France 3 TV the night before the Brexit vote. The main point I raise for British expats living and working in Europe is that without the four freedoms afforded by membership of the EU - most of us are going to be righteously stuffed if we attempt to carry on our lives abroad. Taking French nationality, I propose, may be the only solution. In case you're wondering what these four basic rights are: The free movement of goods. The free movement of services and freedom of establishment. The free movement of persons (and citizenship), including free movement of workers. The free movement of capital. At the moment the UKippers and Leavers are pretending that the UK can simply do away with half of number 2 and all of number 3 and carry on as before - reducing it down to two-and-a-half freedoms. Aside from it sounding less snappy - the implications are massive, and arguably all negative in their outlook. At the moment the EU are saying they won't be nasty about the settlement for the [...]


By | June 24th, 2016|pointless whinging|

Referendum on the United Kingdom's membership of something you can't comprehend. Vote only once by putting a cross [x] in the box next to your choice. Should the United Kingdom remain part of something you don't understand? Yes. Remain a member of the thing, regardless. No. Leave it - like Dunkirk what!? Referendum on the United Kingdom's favourite politician. Vote only once by putting a cross [x] in the box next to your choice. Should the United Kingdom like Dave or Boris more? Dave. Boris - coz he was on that TV show. What was written on the real ballot paper, it seems, is irrelevant. The UK's departure from the EU table is thanks in no small part to our nation's politicians perpetually underselling and blaming the European project for all of the country's woes; for the last four decades! The truth, or educating the populace as to the truth, was never in their interests ... until it was too late. Cameron, in a fog of egotistical delusion, believed that forty years of dissing foreigners across the channel would [...]

I have an accent

By | May 15th, 2016|Life in France|

About five minutes into an under-8s rugby match I was refereeing last weekend one of the fresh-faced little "rugbymen" briefly interrupted proceedings with "I have a question." I obliged him with a moment's attention - did the penalty need explaining perhaps? "Are you Breton?" he quizzed. I'm sure Nigel Owens doesn't have to deal with these kind of left-field challenges, but seeing as we were pressed for time I simply smiled, said "No" and reminded him he should be standing 5 metres from the ball. That's what Nigel would do - I thought to myself. To be fair he won't be the last Francophone to comment on my strange pronunciation, but I was happy he'd picked me out as vaguely French rather than obviously foreign. That English accent is rather difficult to get rid of after all. Now entering my tenth year in France, I'm happy to report that I can express myself in almost any situation - with perhaps one exception. That is when faced with someone who presumes, because I speak with an accent, that I must [...]

Flying to the UK?

By | January 2nd, 2016|Strasbourg|

It seems life in Strasbourg maybe about to get complicated for us expats, again. Having waited years for a direct UK flight to come to the city - Easyjet and Ryanair both opened routes the within the same twelve months to London. Up until 2014 we'd either had to endure the minibus service to Baden Airpark for Ryanair's wonderless service to Karlsruhe, a lengthy train ride to Basel for the Euroairport or a day-long journey by train via Paris - in order to get to London. Yesterday however I noticed that both low-cost carriers appear to have withdrawn their services. Ryanair appear to have suspended flying to Strasbourg at least until late August while Easyjet appear to be closing their route completely on the 21st March - as neither route is now bookable online. If both carriers withdraw from Strasbourg, for whatever reason (and I suspect French protectionism might be in play), then it will be a big step backwards for Europe's capital city.

The fear of New Year

By | December 29th, 2015|Life in France, Strasbourg|

A few weeks ago I vowed to find us an escape from Strasbourg on the night of total madness - known to many as Saint Sylvester or New Year's Eve. Unfortunately it seems every hotel, hostel, campsite, chalet and guesthouse within a two hour radius of the city has been booked solid - with the last few remaining rooms demanding prices akin to Davos during billionaire season. Despite the lack of snow, any hideaway in the Black Forest, Vosges or Jura mountains remains elusive and thus it looks as though we will have to endure the worst night of the year in Strasbourg once again. Clearly we are not the only ones with a fear of New Year. Happy New Year! Why such dread? Well last year, to celebrate the passing of another calendar, the citizens of Alsace: set fire to 117 motor cars (61 in Strasbourg itself) held onto exploding fireworks (resulting in 17 people having their hands mutilated; 2 youths from Mulhouse lost their thumbs) smuggled over 2 tonnes of contraband fireworks into the region [...]

Imagine no religion

By | November 17th, 2015|Uncategorized|

When I was about 13 years old our high-school English teacher asked us to write about something that we thought needed changing. As inspiration he gave us an example: Should First Division football clubs be allowed to replace the grass pitches with plastic/synthetic ones? The objective of the exercise was to express an opinion while understanding both sides of the argument. He was a little surprised therefore to read my essay entitled "Should the world ban religion?" The choice of subject matter was worrying, apparently, and I was asked to stay behind after class to explain myself. He was surprised to learn that, unlike many of my classmates, I did not spend my free time following a football team - but rather The News. I had been struck by the events in Northern Ireland, as seemingly a day didn't go by without another tit-for-tat killing in the province, and had come to the conclusion that the root cause of the problem was religion. The simplistic view of a teenager, yet, on reflection, not entirely inaccurate. I of course had [...]

Cooking evasion

By | August 18th, 2015|Life in France|

cuisineevasionIf you've lived in France for any length of time you will be familiar with the frozen-foods store PICARD. If you've never heard of it - imagine something across between Marks and Spencer's and Iceland: rows of chest freezers brimming with top-quality, petrified nosh. To help customers identify what's in each freezer...

Beware of Taxmen bearing gifts

By | August 10th, 2015|Life in France|

If my time as a freelancer in France has taught me anything - it's not to trust the French state when it comes to handling anything to do with, er, anything. This rule should be applied even when things appear to be going your way. Today, I'm faced with one of those situations which at first hand appears to be quite a stroke of luck: a 509 EURO tax rebate has magically appeared in my bank account! Now, if I had not been resident in France for as long as I have I'd already put on my dancing trousers and be planning on how to spend this sudden cash windfall, however, there are a few things to consider before ordering that new TV: I haven't paid any income tax for years (being below the threshold for a family of five) The taxman has rebated the money into an account that I haven't used since I was last self-employed under the EI (travailleur independent) statute. i.e. he shouldn't even know that the account exists! This has happened before and back [...]

You call that a coffee?

By | August 3rd, 2015|Life in England, Life in France|

I guess you might call it a case of mild reverse culture shock. Although I've returned to the UK regularly since emigrating, nearly ten years ago, each time I come back there is usually something about British Culture that feels somewhat alien to me. For example, this time around it's coffee. I'm amazed at how much coffee is consumed in Britain; there are now as many coffee shops as there were once pubs, where it's not unusual to see people drinking caffine-based beverages in quantities you'd once-upon-a-time have associated with beer. The average coffee cup seems big enough to hold a whole pint (500ml), and a "small" coffee equates to something half-pint sized. In France the biggest, or rather "longest", of coffees might come close to a small British one, but that's where the similarity ends. In France coffee is usually consumed in receptacles not much bigger than a shot glass. Quantity, in addition to quality I might add, is what seems to matter to the UK consumer. Having come accustomed to enjoying just two "petits noirs" per day [...]