There is a plan

By | November 23rd, 2016|Brexit|

Despite the accusations of having "no clear plan" for Brexit negotiations I believe there is in fact one and it's crystal clear, albeit conceived in cloud-cuckoo land. I reckon that May, Davies and Johnson will demand that the UK remain in the single market while doing away with freedom of movement. This is what they have implied time and again, and have not changed their tune despite the response from EU leaders. Presumably they are hoping that by sticking to this position throughout the 2 years of negotiations - the EU will eventually cave in and give it to them - as they have on many occasions in the past. However, I can see no reason for the EU to cave in this time. The main bargaining chip in the past has been the threat of the UK's withdrawal from the EU (for all our exceptions and opt-outs we've had as full half-hearted members of the EU club), but that threat can no longer be relied upon to get the EU's negotiators to back down - which means the [...]

Body transformation

By | November 8th, 2016|Life in France|

It's approximately a year ago that I began a new diet and on this first anniversary I thought I'd share the results with you. So if you are fed up to the back teeth with the US election please read on... Some background first: I first put on flab in my mid-teens. My mother put this down to an excessive intake of fizzy drinks (sodas) and soon had me drinking 'diet' varieties; while these didn't make me lose weight one could argue that I didn't get any flabbier. By the time I reached University age I weighed-in at 58 kilos (9st 2lb in old money) and was selected to cox for the rowing team. But despite weighing the same as a super featherweight boxer - my physical appearance looked far from athletic - I was somehow skinny and flabby at the same time. How could this be? I was practising sports six days a week! My high consumption of beer seemed like the obvious culprit. Then I truly began to pile on the pounds when I graduated from University [...]

Be afraid

By | October 6th, 2016|Life in England|

The recent developments in the British Government's stance on Brexit have horrified me. Mrs May's positioning of the conservative party as squarely on the far right - a space that once belonged to UKIP and the BNP - is huge cause for concern. This is happening even though the referendum margin was only 4%, even though the conservatives got a parliamentary majority with only 36% of the vote, even though only 12% of people at the general election thought UKIP were worth listening to and even though Theresa May hasn't been elected by anybody - not even her own party. Yet to the media at large it all seems so perfectly acceptable that they are hardly bothering giving the subject any airtime at all. We should be afraid, very afraid, at the nation's march towards territorial nationalist "populism." - for where will it all end? I predict that the first victim of a Hard Brexit will be the NHS - with hospitals, clinics and health trusts rapidly sold to American firms for a pittance having lost 30% of their [...]

Two-and-a-half freedoms

By | June 29th, 2016|Life in France, pointless whinging|

I was on France 3 TV the night before the Brexit vote. The main point I raise for British expats living and working in Europe is that without the four freedoms afforded by membership of the EU - most of us are going to be righteously stuffed if we attempt to carry on our lives abroad. Taking French nationality, I propose, may be the only solution. In case you're wondering what these four basic rights are: The free movement of goods. The free movement of services and freedom of establishment. The free movement of persons (and citizenship), including free movement of workers. The free movement of capital. At the moment the UKippers and Leavers are pretending that the UK can simply do away with half of number 2 and all of number 3 and carry on as before - reducing it down to two-and-a-half freedoms. Aside from it sounding less snappy - the implications are massive, and arguably all negative in their outlook. At the moment the EU are saying they won't be nasty about the settlement for the [...]

Brexit

By | June 24th, 2016|pointless whinging|

Referendum on the United Kingdom's membership of something you can't comprehend. Vote only once by putting a cross [x] in the box next to your choice. Should the United Kingdom remain part of something you don't understand? Yes. Remain a member of the thing, regardless. No. Leave it - like Dunkirk what!? Referendum on the United Kingdom's favourite politician. Vote only once by putting a cross [x] in the box next to your choice. Should the United Kingdom like Dave or Boris more? Dave. Boris - coz he was on that TV show. What was written on the real ballot paper, it seems, is irrelevant. The UK's departure from the EU table is thanks in no small part to our nation's politicians perpetually underselling and blaming the European project for all of the country's woes; for the last four decades! The truth, or educating the populace as to the truth, was never in their interests ... until it was too late. Cameron, in a fog of egotistical delusion, believed that forty years of dissing foreigners across the channel would [...]

I have an accent

By | May 15th, 2016|Life in France|

About five minutes into an under-8s rugby match I was refereeing last weekend one of the fresh-faced little "rugbymen" briefly interrupted proceedings with "I have a question." I obliged him with a moment's attention - did the penalty need explaining perhaps? "Are you Breton?" he quizzed. I'm sure Nigel Owens doesn't have to deal with these kind of left-field challenges, but seeing as we were pressed for time I simply smiled, said "No" and reminded him he should be standing 5 metres from the ball. That's what Nigel would do - I thought to myself. To be fair he won't be the last Francophone to comment on my strange pronunciation, but I was happy he'd picked me out as vaguely French rather than obviously foreign. That English accent is rather difficult to get rid of after all. Now entering my tenth year in France, I'm happy to report that I can express myself in almost any situation - with perhaps one exception. That is when faced with someone who presumes, because I speak with an accent, that I must [...]

Flying to the UK?

By | January 2nd, 2016|Strasbourg|

It seems life in Strasbourg maybe about to get complicated for us expats, again. Having waited years for a direct UK flight to come to the city - Easyjet and Ryanair both opened routes the within the same twelve months to London. Up until 2014 we'd either had to endure the minibus service to Baden Airpark for Ryanair's wonderless service to Karlsruhe, a lengthy train ride to Basel for the Euroairport or a day-long journey by train via Paris - in order to get to London. Yesterday however I noticed that both low-cost carriers appear to have withdrawn their services. Ryanair appear to have suspended flying to Strasbourg at least until late August while Easyjet appear to be closing their route completely on the 21st March - as neither route is now bookable online. If both carriers withdraw from Strasbourg, for whatever reason (and I suspect French protectionism might be in play), then it will be a big step backwards for Europe's capital city.

The fear of New Year

By | December 29th, 2015|Life in France, Strasbourg|

A few weeks ago I vowed to find us an escape from Strasbourg on the night of total madness - known to many as Saint Sylvester or New Year's Eve. Unfortunately it seems every hotel, hostel, campsite, chalet and guesthouse within a two hour radius of the city has been booked solid - with the last few remaining rooms demanding prices akin to Davos during billionaire season. Despite the lack of snow, any hideaway in the Black Forest, Vosges or Jura mountains remains elusive and thus it looks as though we will have to endure the worst night of the year in Strasbourg once again. Clearly we are not the only ones with a fear of New Year. Happy New Year! Why such dread? Well last year, to celebrate the passing of another calendar, the citizens of Alsace: set fire to 117 motor cars (61 in Strasbourg itself) held onto exploding fireworks (resulting in 17 people having their hands mutilated; 2 youths from Mulhouse lost their thumbs) smuggled over 2 tonnes of contraband fireworks into the region [...]

Imagine no religion

By | November 17th, 2015|Uncategorized|

When I was about 13 years old our high-school English teacher asked us to write about something that we thought needed changing. As inspiration he gave us an example: Should First Division football clubs be allowed to replace the grass pitches with plastic/synthetic ones? The objective of the exercise was to express an opinion while understanding both sides of the argument. He was a little surprised therefore to read my essay entitled "Should the world ban religion?" The choice of subject matter was worrying, apparently, and I was asked to stay behind after class to explain myself. He was surprised to learn that, unlike many of my classmates, I did not spend my free time following a football team - but rather The News. I had been struck by the events in Northern Ireland, as seemingly a day didn't go by without another tit-for-tat killing in the province, and had come to the conclusion that the root cause of the problem was religion. The simplistic view of a teenager, yet, on reflection, not entirely inaccurate. I of course had [...]

Cooking evasion

By | August 18th, 2015|Life in France|

cuisineevasionIf you've lived in France for any length of time you will be familiar with the frozen-foods store PICARD. If you've never heard of it - imagine something across between Marks and Spencer's and Iceland: rows of chest freezers brimming with top-quality, petrified nosh. To help customers identify what's in each freezer...